Living in the Reality of the Life We Pray For

Does anyone else get in this terrible funk, when, they've been going a million miles an hour for weeks (and mostly managing it like a boss, thank you very much) and then you stop for a second and the adrenaline suddenly drops out from under you? It's like the worst. I simultaneously care about nothing and yet way too much of everything. I'm grumpy, and it feels like I'm moving in quick sand. For three or four days. Please say it isn't just me.

It's not the first time this has happened and I'm sure it won't be the last. Physical or mental...I'm not sure. 

There was this one week this month in which I subbed almost every day, which was never really the plan, Moses had two dress rehearsals that lasted until 8 at night, five performances of Beauty and the Beast, and we attended and participated in a family wedding. Last week, if I add up both what I count as "church-work" and "side-hustle subbing work" I worked 7 days. I know. We're not supposed to do that. 

And by the end of it I crashed. Nothing but pillows, junk food, and "Somebody Feed Phil" on Netflix.

But it helps a little when I can stop and recognize that some (although not all) of the reasons I'm tired are because I was busy living the life I've wanted and prayed for. My life has meaning, and purpose, and I'm blessed with family and friends who don't seem to mind spending time with me. My kids have found things they're passionate about. And, God's providing more work for me to do than I would have imagined!

It also helps when I remember that it's not lazy to rest in between the sprints of busy. If I stop and evaluate what I've been up to, I realize that there will always be more where that came from soon enough. My only real regret this time is that I could probably have gone for a few more walks and swapped a few bowls of ice cream for some vitamins C, D, and Iron.

In the spirit of acknowledging that despite how I might feel at the moment, I've truly been living the dream in so many ways, I want to stop and reflect on that for a second.

First of all, my little Darwin got married! I've been like an aunt/nanny/friend to Darwin since my early 20's, when he was in Kindergarten. Hundreds of hours were spent together reading the children's picture Bible (he liked the battle stories), jumping on the trampoline, visiting the zoo, and McDonalds, and the park. I was young, and dumb, and had no idea how to do any of this. We fought, and cried sometimes. But we learned so much and I hope we're both more of who God made us to be as a result of all that time spent together. 

Darwin joined the military, and has been stationed in South Korea. Imagine my delight and surprise when that video call sound hit my computer about a year ago, and we answered it to see two smiling faces-Darwin, and his delightful new wife, Thuzar. Thuzar is from Myanmar, formerly Burma, and met Darwin while studying in South Korea. Their legal wedding in Korea was very impersonal-lots of signing papers, etc. So, when they came here during Darwin's leave this month, his family threw a real traditional American church wedding, with cake, and flowers and everything. They asked me to speak and do a reading from scripture, and it was one of the most movie-scene, full-circle moments for me to see him grown up, successful, and in-love with Thuzar. All the work of running after (like literally RUNNING after) that five year old kid with such a mind of his own was so worth it. Not only that but we all three spent a day together at the Desert Botanical Gardens. I learned so much from them, and loved getting to introduce them to prickly pear candy, and see Thuzar's appreciation for all things Sonoran desert. 

Then there was Moses' part as Monsieur de Arc in "Beauty and the Beast" at school. He was amazing...pure evil, just like in the movie. The show was above and beyond anything you could imagine from a junior high production. I know I sound dramatic, but if you saw it you know. But, one of the side stories of this is that almost all of his big scenes were performed right next to my friend Becky's son, Logan. Becky and I were besties in high school. She lived down the street from me, and we both played clarinet in the band. Not only that, but we looked just enough alike in a marching uniform from a football field away, that I think that her dad once accidently filmed one of our shows zooming in on me thinking it was Becky. So there was something truly magical about watching our two little boys on stage performing together. I'm finding this interesting theme lately of God sending people back into my life that I haven't seen in awhile. It's like there's these seasons, and now is the season for crossing paths.

I've always prayed Daniel would find his thing. Just when I've accepted that his idea of a perfect high school experience (150 closest band friends, or going to the dances and football games) isn't his idea of a perfect high school experience, he found his place. Advanced Guitar has been such a positive source of great memories this semester. They've traveled to multiple festivals and concerts together, and are heading to Disneyland in April. I'm just so happy for him to be doing what he loves.

Last but not least, I had my interview with my local church credentialing board for ordination and it went well. They have recommended me for ordination to the General Superintendent over our region. And so if he gives approval, the plan is for ordination to take place on Friday, May 10th, 2024 at Crossroads Church of the Nazarene in Chandler. I can't even describe to you the nerves and insecurity I felt going into this meeting, but was immediately disarmed. Because I had absolutely so much fun just talking about the Savior we serve, and the Wesleyan theology of love that makes us proud of the Church we claim as family. I'm so happy to be joining in service with these wonderful people. 

This really just scratches the surface of this past month. Plenty of reasons to be tired. Plenty of reasons to let myself rest. But also plenty of reasons to be thankful to be part of the rich and meaningful life that I've always prayed for.