What's Only Mine to Do

 

I am that person who does New Years' Resolutions.

And I think they matter. There are things written in my planner under "goals" for 2025 that I know would not have happened if I had not written it down.

There are also things I'm tempted to say I failed at. I did not indeed meet the amount of goals I intended to walk. I did not finish the Bible reading goal I set. 

But I wonder if I got closer than I would have.

So, I'm not against the whole goal setting, resolution thing. Especially if you have friends who hold you accountable and a really cute planner with stickers. But this year I've been struggling to settle solidly on anything the way I have in years' past. And maybe it's because there's just too much to choose from. An excess of real and perceived to-do's in my life at the moment. So, maybe the real goal is to not add but subtract.

I'm figuring out that in my life there are three types of things that keep me busy. 

There are things that only I can or should do. With Holy Spirit's help of course. Only I can be Dan's wife, and Daniel and Moses' mom. When I'm in front of a classroom subbing, there are tasks and decisions that can't be left up to 14-year-olds. In ministry, there are certain keys that have been entrusted to me by our denomination that it's my calling, privilege and vocation to care for. There are things about my inner life-my own emotions, regulations, spiritual and physical health that I ultimately can't hold anyone else responsible for but me. 

Then there are those things that are someone else's to own. Things they are capable of doing or learning just as well as I. And yet I often keep myself busy doing these things. What's more, is I expert-level this by believing everyone else's moods and emotions might be mine to fix as well. I've been exploring the reason, and I'd love to say it's a generosity of spirit and time on my part. Or that I have my own stuff together so well that I have plenty of time to share. That would be a great reason to take on other people's stuff I suppose, because I'm certainly all for being helpful. But unfortunately in this case, it's probably a (hopefully) subtle mix of underlying control issues and martyrdom. And a need to feel needed. Yes...I'm working on it!

Not everything is as clear cut. There's also the things that I want to do, or believe others expect me to do. Or I think should be done to make the world a better place, and if no one else is doing it, then I should. I'm not talking about solving world hunger. I'm talking about those icing on the cake ideas. The professionally photographed family on a Christmas card. Baking cookies. The table scape for the women's brunch. The extra cute craft for the children's lesson. Being the first to volunteer for a committee, or always RSVPing yes. None of these things are bad. And sometimes I do them because I truly enjoy them. But within them the lines get blurred as to what's necessary vs. optional, stressful vs. recreational, mine alone to do vs. an opportunity for community. I hope I'm making sense with this one.

I'm heading into 2026 with a little more responsibility in ministry as pastor of The Table than I had a year ago. And, so maybe my biggest goal should be, as one friend put it, "Remember that everyone drops some of the balls we're juggling sometimes. But just remember which of those balls are glass."

I want to be more mindful this year of doing those things that are mine alone to do with excellence. Date nights shouldn't go on the back burner. I want to leave margin in my life for when those teenage shrugs suddenly become long stories that can easily feel like interruptions. I want to honestly put my whole heart into times of prayer, meditation on the word, and preparation for our Sunday messages, never phoning it in, and taking the short cut. And I want to quit putting my health last. Because only I can chose to start making myself oatmeal instead of cold pizza for breakfast. Only I can say, "No, I have something scheduled" when that thing on the schedule is just 'go for a walk.'

When it comes to what's someone else's to do, I am going to continue to silently tell myself "Let them." It's ok if they do it differently. Or if it's hard for me to watch others struggle through the learning process. The dishes will probably be loaded in the dishwasher weird. A social interaction might get fumbled if I'm not the 'middleman', a school uniform might not get washed, or an event might not go as planned. It is ok. And it is not all my fault.

And those other things? I'm going to start giving some of them away. Even if I like or don't mind doing them. I'm going to remember I'm not the only one who can plan a party, make a meal, prepare a craft, make a phone call-and maybe giving someone else the chance will bring them huge joy in the long run. Or maybe not. And in those cases...maybe those things don't matter as much as I think, and I can let some of them go. At the very least it's opportunity to ask the very important question, "Why?":' Why am I doing this?' and 'Why am I doing this?'" Is this a glass ball? Or just a beach ball or ping pong ball or tennis ball that I can always let roll under the couch and pick up again later.

After years of New Year's Resolutions that started in "I'm going to do more..." it feels weird to end this one with "I'm going to do less of..."

But isn't "less of" sometimes to make room for "more of" things that matter most?