I Never Thought I'd Ever

 I guess I never posted in January!!! Long story short...it was pretty great. Dan and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary in Monterrey, California. Our niece Kathryn was born. Our church partnered with my favorite coffee shop to deliver sweet drinks to the whole staff of our local Title 1 public school.

 Taylor Swift's boyfriend's team made it to the Super Bowl. I got to eat at a Fazzoli's again in Arizona. And, I finally watched the Barbie movie...WHAT took me so long?!

But February? February has me saying, "I never thought I'd ever..." over and over again. Some of this started in January. Some of this is excellent, some dreadful, some funny and some serious. But, all of it has been completely "not in my wildest dreams" level WEIRD.

I never thought I'd ever...

Be a choir/theater mom. I was a band person. My husband was a sports guy. 

But along that note...

I never thought I'd ever...

Be sitting in the parking lot of Target 20 minutes before tech day practice, waiting for them to bring me the "sesame oil free" nude lipstick I ordered at 9 p.m. the night before for my SON. 

Like seriously, never thought this would be part of my life.

The night before we'd stopped at CVS after practice. Easy right? But as we were packing his bags for the next morning, we decided to double check what would be literally on his mouth and low and behold, I'd nearly poisoned him with one of his highest allergens, sesame.

What I also didn't see coming was scouring the internet for almost an hour this afternoon because we also now needed mascara, and who would have imagined how many kinds of mascara contain almond oil or some kind of lupine protein. Moms of teenage girls with massive allergies, I salute you. This is madness.

I never thought I'd ever...

Be asking for so much help. It's so humbling to have to be the one needing the help. It feels more powerful usually to be the one able to offer help. And because my life has a lot of ebb and flow, often I'm in a position where the schedules manageable and I can be the one to do the things. But, having Moses coming and going from almost daily theater practice, Daniel needing to get to and from guitar performances, tutoring, etc. while also making sure the kids get to youth group, and I do my sub jobs and my pastor jobs, and make sure we're eating healthy, getting to the doctors, etc. etc. just felt like a sudoku puzzle where the "math wasn't mathing" these past few weeks. This has made me oh so grateful for community and family and a certain amount of flexibility in the vocations I'm in. Otherwise, I know none of this would be working for us.

I never thought I'd ever...

Say the words "Boys! STOP touching eachother!" so so so many times. Why on earth do teenage boys touch eachother so much? Like, do they just need a hug but don't know how to ask? So they "shoulder check" eachother, push, thumb wrestle, arm wrestle, and create elaborate secret handshakes instead. 

For whatever reason, this is probably the phrase I use most often in life. As a sub. As a mom. As a children's pastor. As an occasional youth group volunteer. 

Why????

I never thought I'd ever...

have to ask a student, "Where did you get pizza?" I'm not kidding. This kids said something about someone knocking at the door. He went to answer it. No one came in. I figured no one was really there. Two minutes later I look up and he's actually eating pizza!!!! 

He said it came from home. That his mom packed it in his lunch, ranch cup for dipping and all. That did not look like cold pizza my friends. It even had the "flop" of a warm slice right out of a New York pizzaria. He said this surrounded by girls with fake eyelashes and lots of lipstick. Like this guy had some kind of rizz. Not only did he have people bringing him pizza but he had at least 6 girls hanging on his every word. 

I just shook my head and laughed. They were high schoolers. And they all got their assignment done. But I really wish whoever it was would have brought me some too. 

I never thought I'd ever...

Have this big man child, Daniel, living here. Practically last week we were playing with Thomas the Train and he was watching Daniel Tiger's neighborhood. And all of a sudden he's practicing his driving, going on trips with his advanced guitar class, talking about college and future, towering over me, opening jars and giving me advice. It's all very weird. I'm trying to get used to. They tell you this is coming, but you just don't believe it.

I never thought I'd ever...

Be getting ready for my ordination interviews. This doesn't automatically mean "this is the year" but I did receive the invitation to interview. It is no small thing. In order to represent something much bigger than myself well, I embarked on a journey that included interviews with my church board for a local license, interviews with the board and with my denomination's AZ district credentials and studies boards every year in order to receive and then renew my district license. This happened four years. I spent approximately 6 years taking, 23 (I think) courses covering everything from the history of Christianity, the history of the Church of the Nazarene, studies on the Old and New Testament, theology, management skills, how to provide pastoral counseling and practical help for those in need, writing and delivering sermons, and more. I met with a mentor at least every few months, attended a weekend in San Diego that included psychological testing and Strength Finder training. 

And of course when I embarked on this journey it looked like I'd never be done. And yet, here I am on the last lap of something I never ever imagined for myself. Because "pastor" was certainly not something I ever said that I wanted to be when I grew up. It never crossed my mind.

I always knew that I wanted to devote my life to God's work. When I was very young I heard the story of Amy Carmichael the missionary to India who saved young children, and I wondered if/hoped/believed that God had a plan to call me to something like that. As many denominations do, the one I was in at that time had very limited opportunities for women. I don't resent this...I get where they get this, and I understand and respect the conviction even if I see it a little differently now. But, regardless, one of the few options for women was "missionary", perhaps as a teacher, nurse, or teamed with a husband who could lead a ministry. So I assumed that's what it would look like.

But life moved on, and "missionary" or "missionary wife" was not looking like part of my story. So it was all brushed away and forgotten. 

Until this one summer. The Church of the Nazarene were I'd been attending since 5th grade had no children's pastor, and it seemed we were suddenly hemorrhaging young families. I loved this church, and I really believe in the benefits of intergenerational ministry. BUT, I had two little kids and they were loosing their friends and missing a lot of the activities they'd benefitted from in the past. So I started praying every single day that God would send someone to help the children's ministry at church."

And completely out of no where my pastor, David Caudle, who is now with Jesus, called. He asked if I would ever consider taking the job as Children's Director. I sure never had! And the thought was so overwhelming. I told him I'd have to pray about it. As I hung up and began to pray, I very strongly felt God speaking to my heart with the words, You have been praying. All summer. You've been praying for someone to help. Aren't you someone?

I let Dr. Caudle know I'd try it out. A few years into it he expressed that he saw the gifts and graces in my to consider the ordination track. He felt like I could be a good pastor. I knew that I couldn't just do this because I had a great pastor cheering me on. I needed to be called by God. But, once again, I felt these words that were not my own interrupting my doubtful thoughts, saying, Don't you remember? When you were a little girl? Didn't you hear me calling you? Even then, I don't think that I fully understood that the church I was a part of did not see any Biblical reason for limiting the calling of a woman in any way. It's a lot to get into here, but the wholistic way in which we look at the greater story of the Bible shows God calling both men and women to be restored to an Eden like state in which "Your sons and daughters will prophesy. Your young men will see visions, and your old men will dream dreams" (Acts 2:17). A place where the Phoebe's, the Timothy's, the Barnabas', and Junias' would all answer directly to a God who might ask them to do things they never thought they ever would.