My Favorite Things...are mostly books...

I used to write a Favorite Things blogpost, kind of like Oprah's Favorite things episode each year. The only thing was I couldn't afford to give anyone a car, and 90% of the time I mostly talked about books I think everyone needs to read. 

So, this year, let's cut to the chase...I'm going to tell you about some of my favorite books and authors recently, so you know what to bring along for a long trip to visit family or end up quarantined with whatever this flu+covid+strep thing is that's going around.

1. I'm a little addicted to Liane Moriarty books.

I need to start by saying that there are cuss words in them and I am very sorry. However, she's Australian so maybe these are not even cuss words in Australian? But for this reason, maybe they aren't for everyone. However, here's what I like about them:

They are well written and pick up the slightest details of human behavior and thought patterns brilliantly.

They're suspenseful without being way too scary. Sad at times without being "devastating" and a little heavy while retaining some lightness and even humor. 

I also like them because they make you realize none of us know what we think we know. We can be best friends with someone, even live in the same home with someone and not really understand the motives behind their actions. There's always more under the surface and everybody has a backstory, sometimes one we never could have guessed. It's reassuring the lesson I keep learning over and over again: ASSUME NOTHING.

2. How to Keep House While Drowning by K.C. Davis

K.C. wrote this book while suffering post-partum depression with her second child, in the middle of the spring of 2020.Add some attention deficit and writing a book to the mix and you can imagine it was a struggle.

To be clear, I don't feel like I'm drowning at the moment. I did when I first started listening to the book. And I probably will again in a month when I start substitute teaching, taking another online class, and driving Moses to and from drama practice twice a week. My house is never 100% out of control, but it's also never 100% under control, and my inner critic has some pretty mean and unnecessary things to say to me about it either way. 

This book didn't give 10 one size fits all steps like a Women's Day magazine, but it did offer some practice in helpful reframing. KC really made me think with quotes offered such as "You don't exist to serve your space, your space exists to serve you." The state of our home has nothing to do with our worthiness, and more to do with functionality. A simple semantical change might be to change the phrase "chores" to "care tasks." Care tasks are morally neutral. For example, I put things away not because "that's what good people do" but because I like being able to easily locate what I need-it serves me. I mop the floor not because I'm a bad person if I skip it...I mop the floor because it feels good not to have sticky spots and crumbs under my feet. Another semantical change might be to change the phrase "cleaning" to "resetting the space." When we focus on "cleaning" it begins to frustrate us (or maybe just me and the author...) that this work of cleaning is never, ever done. As quickly as I clean the kitchen, someone might trail crumbs across the floor, leaving a dirty dish in the sink. And then it's like all of that work was for nothing...right? But when we think of resetting the space, we acknowledge that at some point in the near future it will again be time to reset that space. Same meaning...different feeling.

I need to be honest...at some point, I wanted to know how credible this woman was. I wanted to see pictures to make sure that a)she wasn't an OCD perfectionist pretending to be someone who gets behind. OR, b) a certified hoarder justifying her mess by writing a book about self-care. Because I really don't want advice from either of those people. But, in the end she just demonstrates that we moralize issues that are just personal sometimes. Whether you stuff clean underwear unfolded into a bin or you fold them in thirds and line them by color as Marie Kondo would do...has no bearing on anyone else's life but your own. If it's not broke...don't fix it. If it is broke...work on it...but do it for you, not the invisible underwear folding police.

These two books seemed to go together for me in a way. Kind of a "be real" theme. So, I'm leaving it at that for today. Tomorrow's books also go together in my mind so I guess you'll have to wait for part two!