This is the Way Through It

 It's not a secret that I'm living in one of those difficult seasons. The kind of season that at some points in my life might have broken me. And some days it feels like it is breaking me. But as I keep putting one foot in front of the other, I have to ask myself, "What is working?" I am not an expert. I'm not even sure I'm good at this at all. And what works for me, might not work for you, but perhaps I should leave a little bread crumb trail here, whether for you, or for the future me. Because the one thing I know is this will not be the last difficult season for either of us.

So, here's my list of five:

1. Jesus. I didn't just say this because I'm a pastor and I'm supposed to. It's because in times like this I realize how desperate I am for Him. Like air, and hydration, and nutrients. An understanding of whole Bible as one big story with many parts and genres is EXTREMELY important. But when I'm feeling how I am right now there are two places in particular I turn to find what I'm lacking. First, I turn to the Psalms. What I call the "angry Psalms" specifically. Because if King David, who is referred to as "a man after God's own heart" could tell God he was unhappy with how things were going, or that he felt a little abandoned, then I can be honest with him too. And somehow that knowledge also helps me let go of those feelings and they begin to melt into praise. Second I turn to the Gospel of Mark. The intended audience of Mark was the gentiles like me. And it constantly speaks of God's love and compassion. Even when we don't feel like we're cutting it. It's full of prostitutes, tax collectors, the sick, the poor. Desperate mothers and bickering disciples. Those who recognize their inability to be perfect on their own. For me, it's easiest to find myself graphited into Mark's telling of the Story. 

More and more, my time with Jesus has included the ancient practice of the Jesuits, the Daily Examen. So, here are the questions I include in my journal:

Where have you seen God working today?

What am I thankful for today?

What emotions am I experiencing right now?

What is something I particularly want to pray about today?

What am I looking forward to tomorrow?

Some may call this mindfulness, and it kind of is. I call it a conversation. But it is unbelievable what a difference this small thing makes in my ability to cope. 

The next few list items are about to sound way less spiritual. But the thing is, God made us. He knows how our bodies and minds work, and how we interact with all else he created. So these things also matter for our spiritual well-being:

2. Regular appointments with someone familiar enough with people at the end of their rope to not make it worse.

This might be a bestie. But only if you're one of those rare ones who knows someone with that perfect mix of distance and empathy. Too much empathy will drag them down with you, and maybe cause some poor advice. Too much distance and you'll leave feeling unheard, alone and judged. We all have those friends that "mean well" and yet...well, you know what I mean.

If your best friend isn't Oprah, and even if she is, you should probably explore other options. Pastors, therapists, life coaches, mentors. Find a good one or a combination of these, and quickly. You will literally drown if you don't.

3. Exercise. This is the moment where I say I definitely don't practice what I preach well. But when I do...WOW. I can walk off the ugliest of emotions...bonus if I combine it with advice items #1 or #2 in some way. I can lose myself in a great virtual reality program, boxing to rap music. And not because of the focus but because our brains and bodies literally self medicate with endorphins when we move enough. 

4. Hugs. Unless you're one of those people who HATES hugs. I don't get you but I respect you ;-). Platonic physical touch produces oxytocin, stimulating the release of dopamine and serotonin, and reducing stress hormones. Long story short, it helps you love even some of the most difficult of people, and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

Last Sunday, as I stood at the check in desk ready for a big and busy day, one of my littles spotted me from clear across the church campus. I braced myself as he lit up and took off in an arms outstretched dash that picked up speed as he plunged into my arms. Can I just say being a children's pastor is the best job in the world? 

When I wake up in a funk, I will tell Dan or my boys, "I really need a hug." When Mo is feeling anxious he will look at me and say, "I need some oxytocin" (yes...that's my kid) and I know he wants to cuddle. 

2020 was really hard for huggers like me! I found other ways to express love, and saved my hugs for those who live with me. It was a good idea not to attack everyone with my "love" for a short season. But boy am I glad to be hugging again!

Hug someone today. But...you should probably ask permission first.

5. Water. Seriously. Drink it, hear it, feel it. Water is essential in nearly every aspect of our life and our mental health seems to be no exception. Even in the Bible you see those needing quiet time away retreating to creeks and rivers, and lakes.

This week we closed out a pretty stressful month with a deal on a stay cation at a resort with a bunch of pools and even a waterfall. I felt lighter, like burdens were literally washing off of me. If I had regular access to a creek or river or lake, or better yet an ocean, believe me I would have gone there. And some seasons of my life those have been part of healing and resting. other seasons of my life the best I can do is spend $5 at Walgreens for a basin and some epson salt to soak my feet. So, if you're a mom of littles...maybe find a grown up who will keep the kids safe for half an hour while you do that. 

I feel like so many are "going through it" right now for big, little, and medium reasons. Many of my friends are sick with COVID and frustrated after trying so hard for so long to do everything they could. Others are facing job changes, uncertainty, and economic strain. For some it's the endless hate and upheaval in the world and on their televisions. Life is hard. We don't need to make it harder for each other. Let's help each other find the way through it.