This is My New Year's Eve 2021 Post

 I just realized this is only my 12th post this year...so I guess I averaged 1/month! Never mind that two of them have been in the last two days...I'll try to do better, in case anyone out there is seriously holding their breath between posts (which I highly doubt!) but no promises. 

If there's ever a day for self-reflection, it's December 31st. All years are full of ups and downs. 2021 had ups and downs that were less like the one or two rises and falls of the Colossus roller coaster, and maybe a little bit more like Thunder Mountain Railroad, or Screaming Mickey. These were no predictable rises and falls, they were a "hold onto your hat" and "I don't understand what is happening" kind of ups and downs.

I don't start each day listing what's wrong with life. But, because you know I don't lie to you I'm going to start with a description of the falls. And it's not what I want to end with.

If 2020 was a Tsunami, a towering wave that broke over us, 2021 was the movie "The Impossible" about the family that has to find their way back to each other after getting swept away, infected limbs and all. Or if 2020 was an inland earthquake or a tornado, 2021 was waiting for the dust to settle, and scrounging through the wreckage to see what can be salvaged. And aftershocks. Really horrible aftershocks.

On January 1st I made a New Year's resolution not to read the comments section on any news or articles on social media. Because I didn't want to fight with strangers about things none of us could really know. That lasted all of six days.

On January 6th, we found out that we'd lost our political minds entirely. I will never, ever forget gathering my two kids who were doing online school at work with me, into my office to pray together for the safety of our vice president, and the many representatives, staffers, Capitol police, and other workers both liberal and conservative who wanted off this crazy train but were stuck in the middle of it. Something broke that day, even if it was something that had already cracked.

In 2021 the Taliban took back over Afghanistan while I was reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns" and my heart broke. In 2021 Betty White died. On New Years Eve, right before her 100th birthday, and all of us felt cheated a little.

In 2021, searching through the rubble of 2020, I mourned a long series of things that were broken. Ways of doing life that would never be the same. Solutions I thought would be a happy ending that may get us there...but not as quickly as I had hoped. People I realized weren't just keeping their distance because of COVID anymore...they were never coming back around. Relationships I realized meant more to me than the other. And that "growing apart" was a reality I'd never learned to accept before. 

And the deaths and destruction of lives. The memorials and goodbyes. COVID. Cancer. The end to many's innocent, youthful and care-free living. My heart broke watching my friends and family go through loss after loss. In 2020 COVID hospitalized a handful of people I care about. In 2021 I lost count. It closed in on my circle. It invaded my home, and hospitalized my 84 year old daddy, who has hardly been out of the house in two years. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't know a single person who didn't loose someone they care about to COVID this year. And that's on top of all the other hard things that were already a part of life before. Financial difficulties, other mental and physical illnesses, relational stress didn't go away...but we added COVID. Do I have faith? Do I believe God is good? Absolutely. But do I hate cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and COVID? 100% hate it. And I believe God does too.

But, I learned new ways to cope. I learned to start my day with Jesus, to spend extended times alone with Him, and to begin my morning with a list of things I am grateful for. And there were glimmers of hope, and even normality. COVID has by no means gone away. But our family has found ways to function within our midst, and to do things that help us protect ourselves and others while still allowing us to live full lives. I've watched both old and new friendships, sprout, and bloom.

Here is a break-down of my "Top 10" from 2021-

1. That one time we took the kids to Little America for Spring Break and it snowed more than I have ever seen it snow in my whole entire life!!! This trip also included multiple state and national parks, a huge hole in the ground left by a meteor, and seeing my nephew, Chris.

2. Our bathroom remodel. It was probably awkward how many bathroom pictures I took this year. But seriously guys...I still pinch myself when I walk in there...this is mine??? It's lovely.

3. Wacky Wednesdays. The majority of children's pastors I know would agree that the past two years have been soul-suckingly difficult. Being the bearer of bad news over and over. Empty classrooms. Simultaneously having less to do while having to put 3 times as much mental energy into doing it all different. Wondering, "Is it me or the state of the world?" It's hard to explain but if you know, you know. This past spring we changed up our midweek kids' group routine, and it became one of my favorite ministry memories. I worked with volunteers I loved serving kids I loved. We did wildly fun things, like life-size Pac man, playing spoons but with water balloons, snow night, stand-up comedy night, and paint night, all while learning about the Journey of Grace and the Lord's Prayer. We were small, but I saw God use us because of  not just despite our smallness, to reach a unique group of kiddos that needed small in this season of their life and of our shared history. This should never be about me or just about filling my emotional bucket. But I felt the warm sunlight of God's reassurance beating down on my face, reminding me, "I made you for a purpose, and maybe it is for such a time as this." And because I am very human, I needed that.

4. Sarah's Wedding!

I wrote about this yesterday, but having been two years in the making, we were ALL excited for this. Plus, it was the first time I got to officiate a wedding (they were technically already married but it was still a wonderful honor). And, now they're expecting a baby boy in March, so 2022 already has something to look forward to!

5. BUCKET LIST CHECK-OFF

Seeing the Avett Brothers live at the Red Rocks has been on my Bucket List for years. Probably top 5 actually. In fact, I just re-read my last year's New Year's post and I even mentioned in there that I hoped to do this someday. This was the year. In that tiny sweet spot between vaccinations and Delta, Dan and I got on a plane and flew to Denver to sing the "la la la la la la" part of "Go to Sleep" with thousands of other fans at the top of our lungs in one of the world's most beautiful concert venues. 

Ironically, our boys both listed this week in their Top 10 of 2021 lists as well. Because, while we were gone, Daniel was in beautiful San Diego with his youth group, and our dear friends, the Strunks, were taking excellent care of Moses while he enjoyed spending time with his friend, Malachi. 

6. More Pearl!

What this world needs is way more people like my friend, Pearl! It was so great getting to work Kids' Camp together again, with her mom, Juana. But it's also been wonderful making our monthly coffee appointments, or going walking or shopping at the farmer's market. We're different and in different places in life but she also really gets me. What a gift. 

7. Fall Break in San Diego

Dan and I attended the Ministry Candidates Weekend at Point Loma in October, and then Dan's parents and the kids met up with us at Imperial Beach. For a few magical days, the kids boogie boarded, we cooked fresh seafood, played games, watched the sunset over the beach, and event went to the San Diego zoo. Then Daniel came down with COVID. But I promised I wouldn't focus on the negative during the remainder of this blog post, so that's all I'll say about that.

8. Halloween. 

This may have been one of my favorite Halloween weeks ever. The weekend before, our family stumbled upon the Dia De Los Muertos going on in downtown Mesa by mistake. We were looking for the farmer's market. Everything was amazing! Full of vibrant color and music, and we realized how much we can learn about dealing with loss in healthy ways, through story telling and remembering.

Our fall festival at church might have been the most well attended so far. The crowd was unbelievable but still flowed well and everyone seemed happy and at home. I felt so proud to serve alongside such a great team of hosts and hostesses. We had a book theme, and were even joined by a Mesa librarian!

Doing the Trunk or Treat a day early meant that we were home on Halloween, maybe for the first time since my kids were born! It was kind of fun being neighborly and joining in the ooohs and awes, passing out and also collecting candy :-). I forgot how fun this is!

9. I got to go to North Carolina!

This was a ministry related trip for Sunday School and Discipleship Ministries. I went representing our AZ District with some other pastor, including my own. I learned a lot, that I plan to put to good use, and in some ways already have. I met new friends and got to know others better. And North Carolina is as beautiful as the Avett Brothers have always sung about, especially in November. This is a picture of some of my new friends playing a massive, late-night game of spoons...because children's pastors are the funnest kind of people IMO.

10. December.

What part? ALL THE PARTS. Like, Halloween, I think this was my favorite Christmas season. Somehow, we stayed healthy and were able to enjoy every bit of this crazy time of year to the fullest. And, having taken a break from just about everything last year, and having had some health scares this past year with my dad, I think I savored and appreciated it all the more.

I can't decide which of these to post a picture of because they were all fantastic. Christmas at the Princess (that too was on my Bucket List, and listed in last year's blog of hopes for the future). It was all I hoped it would be. Both kids had in-person music performances for school-one on drums, and one on guitar. My dad's birthday was a day-long event, starting with biscuits and gravy and Joe's farm grill, and ending with the bieroch my sister and I made in his kitchen, and playing mafia with my nieces and nephew. At church we had a chili cook off, and then a cookies and cocoa open house/open mic night, and an adorable children's medley. We went caroling with mom and dad Williams, Sarah, and Alex. We ate Thai food and played "Awkward Family Photos"  on my mom's birthday. We did advent candles and readings almost every night, and I don't think we even fought putting up the tree. We watched all the movies, played all the new board games, and ate all the tamales, and peppernut cookies, and caramel cake. 

If 2021 had to start the way last January, I'm sure thankful it ended with the Williams' December of 2021.

I have gotten less good at looking ahead, setting goals, and making plans these past few years. It's gotten harder to look past the next ten minutes, with so many different wild cards floating around. But here are some things I want to continue or start. Or stop.

1. I want to quit arguing with strangers on Facebook. Let's hope this lasts longer than 6 days this time. But I think I'm growing, and learning who's opinions and assumptions really matter. And I'm learning to be confident enough in my own decisions to feel less of a need to justify them. 

2. I want to be more present and mindful of my own thoughts, words, and actions. I have always had my head in a cloud. A lot of great things happen in that cloud, but I need to be fully where my feet are planted too. I'm still learning how to make this happen.

3. I want to be more aware of what is outside my control. I want to continue praying, "Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.