Now That I've Taken a Deep Breath and Counted to Ten

 

Sometimes turning on light means just buying someone a cup of coffee and sometimes it means having hard and uncomfortable conversations.

For the past week and a half I've been thinking, praying about how to best reflect light right now. Because things are pretty dark out there. And some of this darkness needs a warm hug and a cup of coffee, and some of it needs some uncomfortable conversations. 

There's a lot within me wanting to be said about the events of this past week, month, year. 

I'm tempted daily to engage in the "whatabouts..." (insert some other news event) and the "what if...(slide in something suggested by a Qanon video) conversations. I do have lots to say about the apples and the oranges. But we could go around and around for days and never get anywhere. At least no where we want to be. Maybe when emotions are not so high and we can talk about these things in civil and logical ways. Today is not that day.

I could also talk about what I think should be done from here. I won't. I am neither an elected official nor an expert on law or even history. These things are currently outside my control, my education level  and my pay grade.

But there's something I NEED to say. Not as a representative of a particular church or organization or even as an American but as an individual who is also a member of the body of Christ. Because there is something terribly sinful that is going on not somewhere out there by "them" but by the "us" who claims the name of Jesus. And if we are indeed "one body" (I Corinthians 12:27) I am complicit and it is my moral obligation to say something. After so much time in prayer and enough space for emotions to cool a little, I realize that it's not because I want to speak up but because I have to. I must. 

Please know I'm comfortable disagreeing on policy and strategy with people I love and respect. But what's going on isn't red or blue. It's not a difference in opinion about economics or the role of social services. It's much more sinister. 

I serve a savior who said to Peter, on the night he was betrayed, "Peter put down your sword" (Matthew 26:52).  This same Jesus, when questioned by Pilot explained that "My kingdom is not of this world"(John 18:36) and that if it were of this world the father had plenty of soldiers to deploy-but that's not what his kingdom was about. This seemingly passive leader isn't what the people wanted. They didn't want peace and love, they wanted an uprising. A military operation. So, they asked for the release of Barabbas, the insurrectionist, instead. 

On January 6th, I had put the local news live stream on and stuck it into my back pocket as I worked on a project, hoping to just catch any important updates. But before long, it was out of my pocket and I was glued to the train wreck unfolding, my heart caught in my throat.

I can't describe to you the the grief and horror I felt first as I watched the live coverage of the rally in front of the White House in which I saw a flag bearing words "Jesus 2020."

 The implications are nothing short of idolatry. 

In the words of a pastor friend of mine, Brandon, "Don't give to Caesar what is God's."

Then, of course the world knows that rally moved to the Capitol and past barriers. During the period of time in which it hovered around the steps I (and the rest of the world) could overhear prayers for a miraculous overturn, and I saw crosses and Christian flags waved among the rebel flag, a symbol of the darkest time in American history so far. Symbols of my faith, our faith mingled in the crowd among those bearing shirts that said "Camp Auschwitz" and "6MWE" (meaning 6 million Jews wasn't enough). My brothers and sisters...this is blasphemy! This grieves my heart and it grieves the spirit. Moments later, amidst chants of "Hang Pence!" I watched as those same Christian flags joined the angry mob bursting into the Capitol building, seemingly intent on assassinations and anarchy. 

This is not the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom of God is not a geographical location, or a particular people group. We've been trying to make it worldly for years. Long before American exceptionalism, Constantine paired the cross, a symbol of Christianity with nationalism during his reign between AD 306-337, attributing it with victory in war. Similarly, the Crusaders used military force in what they viewed as the righteous cause of Christendom. With distance most of us can see that they got the message wrong and did a lot of harm to the spreading of the gospel in the long run. But, many of us today don't see how Nationalism right in front of our faces has become a cult and patriotism has become our idol. 

The kingdom of God is not a place on the globe and it is not determined by the success of a political party or movement. And it's certainly not hinging on the victory of one ruler. The kingdom of God is a vine that weaves throughout creation connecting us to brothers and sisters in Christ throughout the world. We are special to God but not any more special to God than any of "them." There's a lot I don't know about the Kingdom of God. I'm still learning. But I do know this:

You won’t be able to say, ‘Here it is!’ or ‘It’s over there!’ For the Kingdom of God is already among you.” Luke 17:21

Romans 14:17 For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Maybe others won't agree. Won't see this, read this, like this, get this. Maybe I'll need to follow up with some face to face conversations. But when I look back years from now I want to know that I said what I felt God putting on my heart even if it's still just a jumbled blog post for now and even if I'm still a work in progress.