But Why
My dad used to have a reputation for being a little obsessive compulsive with cleaning. I do not have this same reputation. Before Daniel's second birthday party, over twelve years ago, he came over a few hours before our guests arrived to help me get ready, since cleaning with a two year old under foot feels a lot like shoveling in a snowstorm.
My dad was amazing. Down on his knees scrubbing grout, restoring the sink handles to their original shine. But I was getting nervous as I watched the timer tick. I began setting up chairs, and putting out table clothes while he started worrying about fan blades. With almost exactly twenty minutes to go, dad pulled our the stepladder that I stored in the tiny space between my refrigerator and the wall, exposing a forgotten layer of dust, and hard to reach toys and magnets.
My dad's eyes grew wide.
"Do you think we could move this refrigerator together so we can reach back there and clean this?" he asked.
I froze, dumb-founded. He had to be kidding!
"Ummmm....just put the step ladder back. It'll hide it!"
He froze, dumb-founded. He thought I was kidding! He literally started laughing!
"No really..." he asked, looking around for a broom.
"No really, dad."
Dad was focused on the "how" of getting our house cleaning. The individual tasks that got that done. He had a strategy. It was a good strategy. Especially if my "why" was "I want a perfectly clean house-even the side of the fridge that no one even sees." But my why was, "I want to have a super fun amazing birthday party!" And guests were arriving.
I think sometimes we focus on the "how." How is important. I'm notorious for saying, in my most motherly, forty-year-old voice, "What is your plan?" when helping my children or others I love with a problem. But, we start making rash judgements about people when we ignore the "why" behind what they're doing or assume it is pure evil.
This gets magnified in a political season like we're in. People get quickly lumped together, categorized, demonized, and condemned based on their "how." But, we forget that way more of us share the same "why". Maybe I'm a naïve but deep down a believe that more of us than not want good things for the world. We want each other to be happy and healthy and offered equal opportunities. We want children to be cherished and well cared for. We want life valued at every single stage. We want babies born. We want police offers to go home and kiss their wife and children at the end of each shift. We want the elderly honored and their needs met. The "why" and the "what" are the same for many of us. But we don't have to agree on the how- the strategies that make that happen. It's okay to tackle the same problem from a different angle. If something isn't working, it's okay to take a different approach.
I'm not saying every "how" is equally valid. And I'm not saying that everyone shares your why. Our natural bent is towards self and left unchecked our hearts can harden. But, God does want us to see ourselves humbly and each-other graciously. I think we're a lot more alike than we realize.
I Corinthians says it best, "If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end." The Message
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