This is Hard
Disclaimer. I've been kind of grumpy lately. Starting something new takes a lot of mental energy and I just haven't got much nerve left. And life is hard!
It's hard trying to figure out where to find the 15-20 hours required for a college course when my life already felt cramped.
It's hard to fill and refill fourteen different kid min volunteer roles each Sunday in a small church. And still do it well. Can I say that?
It's hard to care deeply about ten minute reenactment of a scene from A VIDEO GAME my kids played.
On days when I feel like the bumps in my brain where I store my higher thinking have been melted flat with a hot iron, it's hard to use the good-solid parenting skills I've been trained in and KNOW, instead of reacting out of exhaustion, anger and embarrassment.
It's hard to turn to my prayer journal instead of my smart phone.
It's hard to bite back hurtful words.
It's hard to be a moderate during an election season and still interact with people. Any people.
I recognize grumpy is a symptom of something I never want to experience again. So I'm looking for ways to adjust my oxygen mask. But even beyond that, I've felt God sending me a very consistent message, as He tends to do in times like this.
And it's that he knows it's hard. It's supposed to be. Put on your big girl pants because nothing good ever comes easy.
It started with the book,Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. Let's pretend for a minute it's not become a tiny bit controversial because seriously what hasn't? But, at it's best, Rachel takes away our excuses for watching the life we were meant to live pass us by while we wallow in our limitations. It's a real kick in the pants kind of book and maybe just what I needed. I hope I'm not misrepresenting but some of what I got out of it, was recognizing there is very real trauma, anxiety, and challenges in our life. But what are we doing about them? What are we doing with them? We were made for more. Literally-recognize your sorrow, cry your tears and then go wash your face.
Another moment that struck me with this message was attending the Orange Tour at a local church. Orange is, well, deserving of it's own post. But it's a ministry philosophy with a series of curriculum, which we use for our littles and love. Orange Founder, Reggie Joiner, spoke on the story of Nehemiah. In this book, this young man had grown up hearing the stories of a mighty God who could part the Red Sea, yet at that point in history all the children of Israel had was a crumbling wall around Jerusalem. And the work of rebuilding it was HARD. But in the end it was every ounce worth it.
Reggie struck a nerve when he said we usually try selling volunteers on the idea of free coffee, cute kids, and crayons and stickers. When sometimes we just gotta admit it's hard. When Jesus recruited people he basically said, "Come be homeless and get stones thrown at you." But the point isn't to be easy. The point is that it's worth it. There's NOTHING more worth it.
It made me think about my own way of taking vitals in ministry. When things are hard I feel like I'm failing, when maybe the exact opposite should be true.
As I processed this all in my head today while I was driving, and driving, and driving, and driving the MamaUber I had a chance to check facebook while stopped waiting in the school pick up line. And, a friend living in South America posted something with almost the exact same sentiment. About how life isn't meant to be easy but the hard stuff should be worth it.
And I knew that even if it comes across a little grumpy, this was my "need to write it" message. This is what God is teaching me, even against my will some days.
So hit me up with all your best pinterest quotes and memes. Those motivational posters that our orthodontist used to post on the ceiling in the 90's about striving and achieving and hard work. Because, this season is hard. But I'm okay with that.
It's hard trying to figure out where to find the 15-20 hours required for a college course when my life already felt cramped.
It's hard to fill and refill fourteen different kid min volunteer roles each Sunday in a small church. And still do it well. Can I say that?
It's hard to care deeply about ten minute reenactment of a scene from A VIDEO GAME my kids played.
On days when I feel like the bumps in my brain where I store my higher thinking have been melted flat with a hot iron, it's hard to use the good-solid parenting skills I've been trained in and KNOW, instead of reacting out of exhaustion, anger and embarrassment.
It's hard to turn to my prayer journal instead of my smart phone.
It's hard to bite back hurtful words.
It's hard to be a moderate during an election season and still interact with people. Any people.
I recognize grumpy is a symptom of something I never want to experience again. So I'm looking for ways to adjust my oxygen mask. But even beyond that, I've felt God sending me a very consistent message, as He tends to do in times like this.
And it's that he knows it's hard. It's supposed to be. Put on your big girl pants because nothing good ever comes easy.
It started with the book,Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. Let's pretend for a minute it's not become a tiny bit controversial because seriously what hasn't? But, at it's best, Rachel takes away our excuses for watching the life we were meant to live pass us by while we wallow in our limitations. It's a real kick in the pants kind of book and maybe just what I needed. I hope I'm not misrepresenting but some of what I got out of it, was recognizing there is very real trauma, anxiety, and challenges in our life. But what are we doing about them? What are we doing with them? We were made for more. Literally-recognize your sorrow, cry your tears and then go wash your face.
Another moment that struck me with this message was attending the Orange Tour at a local church. Orange is, well, deserving of it's own post. But it's a ministry philosophy with a series of curriculum, which we use for our littles and love. Orange Founder, Reggie Joiner, spoke on the story of Nehemiah. In this book, this young man had grown up hearing the stories of a mighty God who could part the Red Sea, yet at that point in history all the children of Israel had was a crumbling wall around Jerusalem. And the work of rebuilding it was HARD. But in the end it was every ounce worth it.
Reggie struck a nerve when he said we usually try selling volunteers on the idea of free coffee, cute kids, and crayons and stickers. When sometimes we just gotta admit it's hard. When Jesus recruited people he basically said, "Come be homeless and get stones thrown at you." But the point isn't to be easy. The point is that it's worth it. There's NOTHING more worth it.
It made me think about my own way of taking vitals in ministry. When things are hard I feel like I'm failing, when maybe the exact opposite should be true.
As I processed this all in my head today while I was driving, and driving, and driving, and driving the MamaUber I had a chance to check facebook while stopped waiting in the school pick up line. And, a friend living in South America posted something with almost the exact same sentiment. About how life isn't meant to be easy but the hard stuff should be worth it.
And I knew that even if it comes across a little grumpy, this was my "need to write it" message. This is what God is teaching me, even against my will some days.
So hit me up with all your best pinterest quotes and memes. Those motivational posters that our orthodontist used to post on the ceiling in the 90's about striving and achieving and hard work. Because, this season is hard. But I'm okay with that.
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